The most fulfilled people I know have this in common: they have found something to pour their life into that is so important to them that it makes all of their fears irrelevant.
//
Have you ever met someone who is so passionate about what they do that it’s intimidating? They have a drive and an energy that is contagious?
I happen to be married to one of these people.
Asher has been instrumental in teaching me to dream. For so long, I thought that only one of us could pursue our goals at a time. I actually thought it was my "duty" to support his dream and to pick up his slack at home while he pushed into his goals.
Over time, it’s not hard to guess that I ended up feeling small and insignificant.
Keep reading to find out more about Asher & how I retrained my brain to believe that we can both dream big.
To give you some background and perspective:
Asher and I met in college where we both studied math. Our similarities were part of what drew us to each other. We were on the same path, moving in the same direction, with similar goals. After we graduated, we got married and moved to Connecticut where we would work for the same company in the same actuarial program. For about five years we continued on that path. We studied and took exams together and we figured out the ins and outs of working in corporate America together.
Throughout this time, Asher was also running a band, writing music and starting to accumulate music recording equipment and knowledge, which he used to help friends with their songs and projects. His passion and talent for music had always fascinated me and I was so proud of what he accomplished, but you better believe that when he first told me he wanted to quit his job and open a recording studio, I was terrified.
By this point, we had bought a house and rescued a dog and we had a lifestyle that required two high paying jobs. I immediately felt the pressure of needing the next two or three promotions to make sure we would be okay and I stopped considering any changes in my future opportunities because I was going to be the main breadwinner for as far as we could see.
But the thing is, I knew in my heart that this was the right path for Asher, so I didn't question him or try to hold him back. I just promised myself that I would figure it out to make sure his dream survived.
But here is how life actually happened:
Asher quit his job in August of 2018 and I was almost immediately contacted about a new job that checked all of the boxes of what I wanted in my career. I refused to even consider it. I remember saying "My husband just quit his job and started a company. That's enough change for one family right now." It just felt too risky. It took me two months before I even applied and it all happened because my friend asked why I was letting my dream job slip away just because Asher was also living his dream.
Ironically, Asher had never even asked me if I would support him in this way. He would be completely fine living back in an apartment if it meant we got to live our dreams. So I had made up this whole self sacrificing dynamic in my head. When I realized that, I began dreaming again. I applied for the job and started planning for this blog. As usual, Asher was and continues to be my biggest and best supporter and encourager for both.
I hope what you take away from this story is that each one of us deserves to dream. Make sure you take the time to evaluate what you actually want and how to get there. We are the biggest barriers to achieving our own goals. Not our husbands, not our families, not our bosses, not our friends.
(Also, I got the job.)
Write a comment